Hi – I’m Tim
Some people call me retarded. I prefer inappropriate. I feel I am working my way up from odd ball.
Long before there was Generation X, I grew up having missed all the deadlines of the 60s – I was 9 for 1967’s Summer of Love and 11 for Woodstock. I just don not get all the stumbling, mumbling and bumbling teenagers on drugs who tell me to adopt their turn on, tune in, drop out mantra. They think they are experts about being young – do n0t trust anyone over 25. Now it is anyone over 30. All we must do is what they did – we are not important to them. We do not have defining experiences – assassinations, Vietnam, the draft, moon shots, civil rights, Star Trek. We do not relate. I am not some kid looking for a DARE Just Say No program. I want my own Beatles; but, instead, we got the Rutles.
The entire hippie blissed-out crap is commoditized and sold like a pet rock or fart in a bottle. I know something else has to be around the corner of growing up. I am waiting. I am ready. Born in ’58 sounds Springsteen but I am more Johnny Rotten before the Sex Pistols.
Now I am getting ahead of my life. I have to survive a lot before I get the aroma of teen spirit and become a reminder to aging hippies of the failures of their youth. I see myself as positive while they only see the negative. Youth is not about succeeding; it is about failing to change the world. Then you grow up, ready for the next century.
I was born in the military, Alameda Naval Hospital, Oakland Ca, the summer of 1958. The first era of rock and roll, except Elvis is drafted and shipsped off to Germany. Dad is an Air Force officer, while Mom tends house. I am an only child, unlike my military brat friends who are born into packs of six or seven. I learn family from them, fitting in easily. My best friend Joe’s mom gives me my razor short haircuts and their table always has room for one more. The other dads coach Little League and football. I don’t miss out on family; I get mine next door.
In 1970 I start seventh grade at Orion Junior High, Elmendorf Air Force Base, Anchorage, Alaska. We live in base housing, a quad called Chinook, attached homes for forty families. That is where all my best friends live. The guys in my class let a couple of sixth graders hang out with us because they want to. We laugh watching them trying to act cool. One of the sixth graders, Will, becomes my personal pin cushion as I stick him in the eye with a ski pool, land on his head (sixteen stitches) with my ski boots, and watch him break his leg when we go out-of-bounds at the Army ski hill. He is always cool, especially when I leave him laying in the snow to fetch the ski patrol for his rescue. The other sixth grader, Tom, is a joker, always thrashing his dad’s snowmobile for our amusement. He bails out into the snow at top speed and watches it roll over and over in the large field covered in snow behind our Quad.. There is no piece of plastic left on the machine; he is on constant restriction. We skate by with antics that usually do not get us caught. My best friend Joe is an exception when he gets drunk and lunches it in math class, confessing all. One antic and it costs him making Eagle Scout.
Our main gossip topic concerns the CCD youth leader we all suspect is a perv but have no evidence. One friend’s sister goes to Anchorage High. She’s a full-on hippie – musk, patchouli oil and a boyfriend she is screwing. She and her mom fight every week. Eventually she moves downtown. We are sure they now screw night and day.
Ourcenter of base activity is the swim team, which may seem strange in Alaska. Leaving the gym, our hair instantly freezes as we whip it up in the forty below wind chill factor – my first spiked hairdo. Since it is a co-ed sport, there is the girls’ locker room and shower to streak. What is cool about swimming are the high schoolers and even enlisted personnel working out with us. We think we are hanging out with them. They are minimally cool to us. One high schooler, Rex, is exceptionally well endowed, 13-year-old penis envy. Josh, with long blond hair and granny glasses, is a dead ringer for John Lennon. Sam is our fashion guru when he starts wearing boxers and announces that girls find it much sexier than the white briefs we all wear. Unable to verify the validity of this wisdom, we unanimously agree this type of personal decision can wait until high school. Group think rules in junior high.
The scandal of the year unfolds around Rex, who is involved in smoking dope and having sex with a team mom. Being the height of the War, Glenda’s husband is in Vietnam, fighting as an Air Policeman, while she’s fucking John, one of Rex’s 16 year old stoner friends. When the hubby cop comes back for mid-tour leave, she tells him John is their live-in foster son. Needless to say, John is out the door. Now there is nowhere to hang out and smoke dope. John returns on the day hubby flies back to Vietnam. Unfortunately, Mommy ODs on her younger son’s epilepsy medication. Hubby returns. Mommy is locked on the sixth floor ward of the base hospital. The end of story: the family, minus the foster kid, is off to Alabama, where wives don’t fuck sixteen year old hippies. Rex regales us over several months with the unfolding soap opera, the sordid details getting better and better. Eventually the pot smoking gets him kicked out of his parents’ quarters. Rex heads off to the counterculture.
Drugs are around us but not part of our experience. Driving into the parking lot of the Anchorage Little League field is the first time I see someone my age (or any age) shooting up. Anchorage was our big city, 50,000 civilians and 50,000 military and my first mall experience. It stays open late at night, the perfect junior high hangout. There’s no snobbishness between townies and military kids. After junior high we will go to high school in Anchorage. Downtown is our future.
It is the time before the Trans-Alaska Oil Pipeline is approved. Everyone is unemployed and broke. We make do with activities that cost nothing, such as the salmon run on the Kenai peninsula – hundreds of fishermen on the banks trying to snag salmon by the month. On their spawning run salmon never feed; You must snag the salmon on the mouth; any other spot snagged means the fish had no sporting chance and must be tossed back. Native Americans are allowed nets, much more efficient; they must think we are idiots for throwing fish back. It has to have the illusion of sport fishing. Everyone gets plenty of fish.
It is a totally sporting life. Most families own canoes and Winnebago’s for these trips. Not mine. We use our leave visiting relatives in the lower forty-eight states. Having spent all our money on airfare, there is not much excitement other than hanging out with my cousins in a country town. I claim to be a great North Woodsman. The locals take me to shoot rats at the town dump. The rats scurry about as bulldozers move the trash. My big trophy kill is a rat charging right at me. I shoot from about four feet; it slithers away.
I make friends at the Anchorage mall with a high school kid we call Big John, there being so many Johns. I stay over one weekend when he asks me to spend the night at his house and smoke pot. I get so wasted I stumble outside for fresh air. It is a crisp winter night with Northern Lights glowing on the horizon. The stars are so clear they start to spin in my head. I end up throwing up. Big John’s cool about it. We end up falling asleep listening to Black Sabbath, over and over on his turntable.
Later I wonder if he is a devil worshiper. It is not odd to sleep in his bed, just a kid’s sleepover. My buddies do not know about pot. Our heaviest experience is camping in Palmer on our last summer. We get someone to buy us vodka. This time everyone but me throws up . My orange tent still smells like puke. Before we get too wasted, we sit around the campfire telling stories, the “Stand by Me” gang of 1973.
It is the summer before I start tenth grade and high school. The Vietnam War is over. Most of us are transferring out that year. We will never be together again, all starting high school on our own, in new places. Being military brats, this is not the first time. My dad is retiring and has a job in Miami. Mom says we will be warm for once. Funny though, I never found it cold in Alaska.