3 – Blog 5 – Casper

Jack and I go to Out & Proud all week before band practice. Felix is right. We are a draw. Soon all we do is autograph underwear. We are making a hundred bucks apiece. Pre-teen girls should never be given credit cards. Jack is a total exhibitionist, giving girls a private show as he tries to decide what colors and patterns he prefers. I finally tell him it turns me on to see him wearing the same style I always wear. Jace signs that I am lying.
“You’re lying?” Jack asks.

Now they are thinking alike. Probably because Jace is fucking him constantly. It keeps Jack busy all night. He always returns the favor with me. I enjoy his wiggle waggle hose dick that tickles my prostate just right. Whenever we start making out, he keeps his eyes firmly shut. He never wonders how I can fuck him in two place simultaneously. He is in seventh heaven and does not want to jinx it by thinking too much. Good advice. Jace keeps an eye on Robby with Max providing max-lovin’ to get him motivated, if multiple bong hits with a dog can be called motivation. I tell Mr. Clark about our fight and ask him to visit him and beg him to come back for the performance this weekend. He is thrilled to do a home visit. I can only hope he survives Robby abuse. Sure enough Robby appears the next day. I totally avoid him, which suits him fine. Robby avoids making eye contact with Jack. Otherwise our stage director is back. He says nothing about the musical changes I made and Jack singing his lines. At Nutrition I keep Jack near me, while Robby regales the other boys about the heroic exploits that laid him up. What crap.
Finally at band rehearsal, he approaches me.
“Still want to kill me?” he taunts, while everyone watches.
“I guess I owe you an apology,” he admits.
“No, you owe Jack, but if you go near him, I will kill you,” as I give him my best Clint Eastwood dead-eye look.  

“Tell him I’m sorry.”
“No. He doesn’t care. If you want me to care, you better change your ways.”

I grab Jack. We go to Out & Proud early. It is Friday. Hippie promises to pick us up there when it is time to see his moms and go to youth group at the holy roller church. There are more girls at the store than ever, even a few young boys. The boys are so cute when asking us to autograph their purchases. I ask their names and write ‘hang in there’ for encouragement. One boy hugs Jack, but looks nervously at me.
“Don’t I get a hug,” I insist. I should have known he is only into Jack. I am an aging teen idol. We sing a couple of hymns. When we are asked if we have found Jesus, we admit we are looking for him at Hippie’s church youth group that night. They all swear they will be there too, with all their friends. Just then Hippie drives up with Anna. We say, “Off to find Jesus”   They yell, “So will we.”
I believe them because they all swarm Hippie. Anna tells them where and when it is.
“Hi, boys. I’ve been praying for you,” Anna greets us. “Looking forward to tonight?”
“We’ve been practicing hymns all week with the girls. They all want to come. Maybe you can introduce them to your lost gay boys. They seem to especially like us .”
Anna is pleasantly surprised we are on her side. Hippie has his goofy grin on.

The moms are enthusiastic hosts, meeting Jack for the first time. I tell them I prayed to Jace, and He sent me Jack, who kicks me under the table. He whispers that I am acting like Robby.
He is right. I figure all the pre-teen girls chasing gay boys at youth group will be enough entertainment for the night. Feeding four teenagers is right up the moms’ alley. We finish off all of it, even the dump cake. Since taking the pledge, Anna has stopped trying to slim herself into teen anorexia. I enjoy watching the country girl gorge herself.

At the church, we set up our practice amps and mics. We ask the youth leader if he minds if we play hymns for everyone. He is wide-eye with wonder that we are at his church. Naturally, any thirty something unmarried male youth leader is up on pre-teen pop music. He knows all about us.
“Nothing occult, I hope,” he worries.
“I had to beat up that satanic boy for trying to pervert Jack. He’s been kicked out of False Gods.”
“Does your name mean you accept Jesus as the only true God.”
“It’s more about people putting themselves up on the altar.”
“That’s very interesting.”
“We’re here to learn from you. When do you want us to sing?”
“Can you do a hymn at the beginning; then some gospel to get the kids clapping at the end?”
“Sure. Is Elvis’s ‘Mama” tribute to his mother okay for a hymn.”
“Well, normally we don’t allow rock n roll, but Elvis is a saved soul. No one ever criticizes ‘Mama.”

As we set up, I notice that the room is getting crowded. I recognize several faces from Out & Proud. Anna is introducing all the new girls to the gay boys she knows. The boys look pretty uncomfortable, but the 12-year-old girls relax them by saying they love gays. One girl makes her boyfriend pull up his shirt and show me his underwear. I pull up my tee-shirt and show mine back. Felix will be proud.

We get up and introduce ourselves. I explain that Gregory is in our band and his betrothed Anna asked us to come tonight.
“You may have heard that our guitarist and my best friend Jace was killed by his abusive brother. I know he’s looking down on all us tonight. He wants to tell everyone here that if you’re being abused or know anyone who is, please talk with a responsible adult and stop the evil that killed him.”
Jace is really looking down – sitting on a bookcase in the corner.
“Also, I want you to meet Jack. He’s our new singer and tonight will be his first performance singing for our band False Gods. He’s in my English class. Next Sunday, we’re performing Shakespeare’s play ‘A Midsummer’s Night Dream,’ in which he has the lead. So let’s start his debut weekend with a beautiful Elvis hymn, ‘Mama,” which is dedicated to Gregory’s two moms.”
We sing slow and easy,



“An angel sent from above is mama
And everyone fell in love with mama”

Published by
Lyrics © IMAGEM U.S. LLC

All the pre-teen girls are crying at the end. Their boyfriends or the gay boys are hugging them.

We sit down and the group starts. The leader asks if anyone is new. Three-quarters of the kids raise their hands. He asks them to all come down. We go with them. The girls and gays are all hanging on us, as we kneel and receive a benediction to keep our hearts open and pure. Several girls know to snap my brief’s waistband, which makes me start to get hard. No 12-year-old girl ever misses that. Several start rocking and rolling their heads and babbling nonsense. Soon all the girls and boys are rolling around on the floor. Jace pulls Jack into the scrum and I follow. These pre-teens are totally perverted. They all attack my hard-on and then Jack’s, who cannot help himself. The girls are moaning in ecstasy as we crawl out from under the pile. It’s the closest I had ever been to finding religion. The gay boys are swarmed by girls. The youth leader has a look that signals Victory. He fails to notice the two boys going at each other in the corner.
We grab the guitars and mic. Hippie starts singing ‘Amazing Grace.’

Some decorum is reestablished. We go through all the gospel songs we had rehearsed,
‘Who Am I,’

‘There is a Power,’

‘Abide with Me,’

‘Just Over in the Glory Land.’

The kids are on their feet and waving their hands in the air. When we stop, they gather round to touch us and we are transported as well.
The leader thanks us when everyone calms down, saying there has never been a youth group like this one.

We go outside. All the visitors surround us.
“That’s so much fun and all those lost gay boys,” we joke. We invite them to come down to the store.
“You’ll be back, next week?”
“We love Jace, Tim. We’ll never forget.”
“We love you, Jack.”
“We know you love Tim.”
“He is so lucky to find love.”
One girl asks who she should talk to about her brother, who bullies her. I send her back inside to see the youth leader. “Don’t stop reporting him until he stops.”
A not so shy boy drops his jeans and asks me to sign the underwear on his butt that his girlfriend bought him. Soon there’s a line. I barely mind that we are not getting paid for the autographs. I sign with the message, ‘Praise the gays.’ They say their girlfriends make them be nice to everyone.
“Are they being nice to you?” I ask them.
“That’s why I have to wear this crazy underwear. I can’t go to gym no more.”
“Good,” I say. He laughs.
Hippie rescues us. After dropping off Anna, he pulls out a bag of pot.
“You devil,” we cry.

It is for Max, so we all go to my room. Max is soon in the corner in his ‘Our Gang’ pose.
The pot makes Jack extra amorous, so he climbs in my lap. At least, Hippie is not driving. He actually seems cool with it.
“How come Michael said you all worked on getting me laid?”
“We told the groupies we wouldn’t fuck them until you got laid.”
“Was I that hopeless.”
“Everyone’s hopeless when they’re still virgins.”
“Virgins forever,” he proclaims. We just stare at him.
Jack looks at me, “Do you think I’ll always be a virgin?”
“You mean with girls?”
“Yeah, even though we do it every which way, I still haven’t been with a girl.”
Hippie gets up to leave.
“Don’t go. We need your advice,” I ask. “Since you haven’t done it with a guy, do you feel you’ve missed out, like some kind of gay virginity?”
“I’ll let you know when I want my butt cherry popped.”
I turn to Jack, “See, he doesn’t feel he’s missed anything by not trying it the gay way. Why do you want to try it the straight way, if you’re totally gay?”
“I don’t want you to be disappointed with me.”
“I don’t think you should fuck anyone you’re not attracted to.”
“I have to be high just to come on to anyone,” as he tokes up the joint.
“You’re just shy. If you want more than me, I’ll feel inadequate.”
He hugs me and holds on. I know we are locked in on each other. Jace is hugging him, too.
Hippie asks, “You said Jace is looking down on us. Do you really believe in heaven”?
“I believe in Jace. I can feel him when I sign to him. Maybe part of him is in my heart, so I just know what he would think or do. Maybe Robby’s ceremony means I can really contact the spirit world. I need to believe.”
We all sing Rod Stewart’s, ‘Reason to believe,’

‘If I listen long enough to you,
I’ll find a way to believe that it’s all true.’

Massimo Leoni; Freddy Scherer; Hena Habeger; Marc Lynn; Stefano Lee
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Hippie finally has to leave.
“Thanks guys for coming to my church. It will never be the same.”
“Just tell the girls we’ll come back sometime again. That’ll keep ‘em going every week.”
“You don’t really have to help me get laid. I have the groupies teaching me how to please Anna once the pledge is taken off.”
“The curse of the pledge.”
“Were those little girls actually attacking your dicks?”
“We had to get out of that scrum.”
“I won’t tell but maybe you should talk to someone about molesting little girls.”
“We just want their money.”
“See you tomorrow.”

“You helped Hippie get laid. Maybe you can help me, too?” Jack asked.
Jace gets very interested, hoping he can fuck Edi and Jack together. What a perv.
I take his hands, “Nobody can be everything for another. I feel your love in my bones (and boner). I know you feel my love for you. If you really are attracted to someone else, I will help get you over being shy. Just don’t rush from one experience to another. You’ll hurt feelings and burn bridges that you’ll regret later.”
Jace is signing, “Orgy, orgy.”
“What is Jace signing?” he ask me.
“How did you know he is signing to me?”
“I can tell from your eyes. You aren’t looking at me.”
“Before he died, I told Jace that all boys get an orgy for their 16th birthday.”
“I didn’t.”
“It’s was a joke.” Jace looks at me sharply. “But now he wants it anyway.” Jace nods affirmatively.
“Well, if you tell me what to do, all three of us can have the orgy.”
“We consider that a three-way. We already do that.”
“You’re having sex with someone else?” he starts to tear up.
“Calm down, crying isn’t sexy.”
“Who are you and Jace having sex with?”
“Who do you think?” I smile at him.
He thinks for once about all the positions and orgasms we have had.
“You mean every time we have sex, he’s there?”
“You’re getting the picture. Remember the sex pact?”
“I thought I was special and not subject to his rules,” he pouts.
“I broke the rule once. The time I dragged you here from Robby’s. Jace was still at rehearsal, helping John.”
“You shoulda told me.”
“I waited until I knew you’d believe Jace is with me. You would be like all the others, thinking I’m a mental case, trying to keep Jace’s memory alive.”
He settles into my arms, “Tell me everything. How Jace fucks me when we’re fucking.”
“The way I understand it, Jace can be felt by anyone who loves him, even though they think he’s dead.”
“I do love him, I swear.”
“We know. If you didn’t always close your eyes during sex you might have figured out I can’t be fucking you while you give me head.”
“It just felt so good, I didn’t think about it. You’re an incredible lover.”
“Not that incredible.”
“Does he love me as much as you do.”
“He loves fucking you, and he knows you want him. That’s pretty much how I feel.”
“So for my virginity fuck, I had a three-way. I’m incredible. Can I tell my friends?”
“I’ve never told anybody about Jace. I just say he’s in my heart. I know what he would think and do. I told you about the no kiss and tell rule. This is a good reason to learn it. People aren’t ready for the new Jace.”
“Let’s give him a new name. People can be in on what they think is a joke.”
Jace doesn’t like how this conversation is going.
“What name are you thinking of?”
“Casper, Casper, the friendly ghost.”
Jace sits down with Max, who put his head in his lap. They both look disgruntled.
“Sign Jace to see if he likes Casper. Show me how.”

I have him sign the letters individually, using the universal like sign.
“What does he say?” Jack wants an answer.
Jace moves over and kisses him on the lips.
“He kissed me,” Jack gets all excited and pulls me up. We hug and jump around.
“Casper loves me. Is he unhappy I changed his name?”
“Sign him,” and I show him the signs which he mirrors.
Casper/née Jace pushes him backwards, pulls his jeans off, throws his legs over his shoulder and proceeds to get it on with Jack.
“I love you, I love you,” he repeats over and over. Casper gets all embarrassed at the emotion. Wispy tears appear.
“Open your eyes,” I tell Jack. “See those gray mini-clouds. They’re Casper’s tears.
Jack reaches up and tries to catch one. It vanished into thin air when touched. Jack instantly puts Casper back in a strangle hold. I guess Jace likes his new name.

We wake up in a dried pool of cum. Jack is looking at me.
“I’m going to fuck him so much, he’ll have to know I love him and let me see him.”
”I’m not sure it works that way, but you’re free to try.”
“You aren’t jealous are you? I just want all of us together.”
“It’s like making a baby. If you do it enough, it will happen.”
“I don’t care. I can feel him. I know he wants me.”
Indeed, Casper has that kind of look.
I take a shower, They’re still going at it when I get dressed. I go downstairs and have breakfast with Susan.

Your friend didn’t stay last night?” she asks.
“He’s still in bed. We went to church youth group. Hippie came by, so we talked a lot.”
“You went to church?”
“Just youth group. It was kind of wild, everybody rolling around on the floor and babbling.”
“Speaking in tongues?”
“Yeah. They looked like they were going to bite their tongues.”
“It’s a tradition in some older churches. Tongues means lost languages from biblical times.”
“We call them holy rollers.”
“That’s another tradition. Was it strange.”
“Naw, we got down with them. It did freak me out when all these little girls started grabbing me.”
“That doesn’t sound like a church.”
“We got them to calm down by singing and playing gospel songs for them.”
“My, Tim. Your band is completely different from what I imagined.”
“You thought we play satanic music?”
“No. Just that those people don’t approve of rock n roll and dancing.”
“Well, they liked us. We played Elvis’s ‘Mama.””
“Oh, that’s such a sweet song.”

‘An angel sent from above is mama
And everyone fell in love with mama.’

I hold her hand as I sing to her.
Tears come to her eyes, and she hugs me.
Dad walks in, sees us, and complains, “What’s he done now, dear.”
“Oh honey, he just sang me that song by Elvis, ‘Mama,’ do you remember it?”
“I remember Elvis went into the Army and served his country. He wrote that song when his mother died. She was overweight.”
“That’s a good description of the song, Dad.”
He looks at me, then laughs. “Well, maybe I’m not as sentimental as you.”
“The boys went to a Baptist church youth group last night and played hymns.”
He looks at me critically, then throws up his hands, “Well, I can’t complain about that.”
“There was holy rolling and speaking in tongues.”
“My, they must’ve been afraid the Devil was in their midst.”
“We went because Hippie, our bass player, belongs. He and his girlfriend took the Pledge.”
“They’re getting married? I ‘spose you’ll make a big production out of it.”
“No. The Pledge is just that they won’t have sex until they’re married.”
“Doesn’t sound like your band.”
“We got worried about Hippie because he never showed any interest in girls. We told all the groupies to attack him, which they did. He had no idea what to do. That’s when we met his two moms because they thought he’d been molested.”
“Oh, the two moms. No wonder he needs help.”
“Dad, you met them. They’re nice. We had dinner there last night.”
“Well, you sure get around.”
“Hippie has a car, which reminds me, I need drivers ed.”
“Sign yourself up at school.”
“Really? Can I get a car.”
“There’s no way a boy your age should get a car. We can’t afford it.” Mom gives him a look. “Well, we’ll just see.”
“Yeah, I’ll be riding off to college on my bike.”
“You can always go right here at the University.”
“And after, work at Teladyne. Do they have bike racks for employees too lame to drive.”
Susan laughs, and finally Dad gets the joke.
“What kind of name is Hippie, anyway?”
“His real name is Gregory, but he has really long hair and doesn’t say much,  like a country boy. So we called him Hippie Greg, and at some point it just became Hippie. You remember how he sang ‘Amazing Grace’ at Casper’s memorial?”
“That was so sweet,” Mom says.
“Now who is Casper?” Dad sounds exasperated.
“We decided to call Jace that now.”
“Like Casper, the Friendly Ghost?” Mom asks.
“No wonder I don’t bother to keep up with you all. You can’t stop from changing everything.”
“It’s been nice, a family meal. I’ve got to get Jack up for dress rehearsal today.”
“He’s still here?” Dad complains.
“We got back from church and Hippie wanted to talk. It was late. Jack’s going to be here a lot. He’s taking my place in the band.”
“Well, he can’t just live here like those other two boys.”
“Isn’t it better that I ask you for permission and don’t have to sneak around like before.”
“Look how that turned out,” he grouses.
“Honey, that one boy died. You were trying to save him. Maybe that’s why Tim goes to church now.”
“I must say your behavior is much improved. Why are you going to school today? It’s Saturday.”
“It’s dress rehearsal for the play next weekend. You’re going. It’s at Michael’s. I even wrote a new Prologue for the play.”
“You’re rewriting Shakespeare?”
“We’re only doing one-third of the play, so we had to explain the changes. I also wrote the music and will play it.”
“You’re not in the play?” Mom asks.
“I’m a minstrel. Robby wanted me to play a woman, so I’m playing guitar instead.”
“What’s Robby got to do with it?”
“He’s the director and insists that only boys play all the roles.”
“You can’t change everything and expect it all to work out in this life.”
“Actually when Shakespeare wrote his plays, women weren’t allowed to be on stage.”
“That’s right, dear.”
“Now you always side with him?”
“He sang me the sweetest song before you came down.”
“You little manipulative so and so,” and he lunges at me and gives me a big hug.
I stand there in shock, until they start laughing.
“I’m leaving. I’ll have breakfast with you again, in, say, 1990.”
We all laugh.

Upstairs, Max is lying on the landing, looking morose. Casper and Jack are still going at it. I figure a ghost has an unlimited supply of wispy cum, but I don’t want Jack firing blanks. I jump in, get my licks, literally, and pull Jack into the shower. He screams, “Casper, Casper.” He hasn’t let go since Casper first attacked him. He’s acting like a love junkie.
“Calm down, Jack. We have dress rehearsal this morning. I throw him in the shower and turn only the cold water on. He screams again, but I quickly turn on the hot.
“You’re stealing my boyfriend,” I smile at Casper.
“Casper? Casper? I’m going to fuck him until he’s forgotten his old name.”
“He’ll forget me if you keep at it like this morning.”
“What a sweet ass.”
“That’s what they used to say about you.”
Casper comes over and just touches me. “Feel that?”
I take his hand and kiss him from the palm to his neck.
“Just checking that you still want me,” Casper says.
Jack comes out of the bathroom and catches us necking.
“Sweet,” he says and kisses us both.
I stare at him in disbelief. “You can see Casper?”
“I told you. Getting fucked a lot by the same person makes you soul mates.”
“Do I need to catch up?”
“How about right now?”
“You’re insatiable. That long rubbery thing will dry up and fall off.”
“Then I’ll really be Queen Titania.”
“Then you’ll be Robby’s whore.”
He looks at me with the saddest eyes.
“Sorry. Robby’s dead to me,” I apologize.
“Hah, just working on my acting skills,” and he gives me a modest kiss.
“We’ll just say you’re a queen in training, then.”



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